Monday, April 9, 2012

Bedtime: Bring it!

This is a post about how NOT to do bedtime.

The Teams:
Parents: Peter and Kristin
Kids: Lucy and Tommy

The Game Plan: 

We ran the bath.
Dumped Lucy in the bath.
Dumped Tommy in the bath.
Score one for the parents.

I forwarded the laundry.
Score: Parents 2, Kids 0.

I folded one shirt.

"MOMMMYYYY!! I need to go PEE!!"

In case I didn't mention, we're potty training Lucy.

Those are the magic words.
Lucy is out of the bath.

Parents 2, Kids 1.

Peter monitored the peeing situation.
I went back to folding laundry.
Folded three more shirts.
False alarm. Lucy is back in the tub.

Parents 3, Kids 1.

Peter started putting laundry away.
"DADDDEEEEE!! I need to PEE!!!"
Lucy is out of the tub.

Parents 3, Kids 2.

Twenty seconds later...another false alarm. Please sit on the potty for more than 20 seconds Lucy.

Thirty seconds later.
Lucy is running around the house naked.

Parents 3, Kids 3.

I dump Lucy back in the tub.
I Finish folding the laundry. Peter is putting away the laundry.

"MOMMMEEEEE! I need to PEE!! I need to PEE in the POTTY!!"

Parents 4, Kids 4.
I cleaned out a drawer. Peter supervised the bath.


Parents 50, Kids 5.

Tommy is washed. I'm feeling empowered, so I decide to vacuum the upstairs while the kids are happy in the bath.

Parents 51, Kids 5. 

Tommy climbs out of the bath.

Parents 51, Kids 6.  

Tommy pulls the clean towel off the rack and throws it in Lucy's potty. With the pee.

Parents 51, Kids 26.   

Tommy is running around the house naked while Peter chases him with the towel.

Parents 51, Kids 27.

Tommy pees on the floor. 

Parents 51, Kids 127.

Peter cleans up the floor.

Tommy is pajamaed and put to bed.

One down, one to go.

Parents 52, Kids 127.

Lucy is washed.

Lucy gets three M&Ms for using the potty.

Lucy is pajamaed.

Parents 55, Kids 127.

Lucy gets a bedtime story.

Lucy gets another bedtime story.

Parents 55, Kids 128.

Peter cleans out the potty. There is pee in every crevice from Tommy's towel adventure.

Parents 55, Kids 158.  

We tuck Lucy in. Peter steps to the left. He squishes.

Peter: "Why is the floor wet?"

Lucy: "I peed."

Peter: "When?"

Me: "Why didn't you tell us?"

Lucy: "I did! I peed my pants!" (To be fair, she did wet her pants earlier and she did tell us. She didn't elaborate that the floor was wet too, but I guess she thought that was obvious).

Parents: 55, Kids 17580.

Peter cleans the floor.

Lucy decides that in the interest of full disclosure she'll list off everything else in her room that could possibly be peed on.

"I peed my bed."
"My pillow is wet."
"My blanket is wet."
"My doll peed on her bed."
"My bed is wet."
"My doll is wet."
"My panties are wet."

I check every blanket in Lucy's bed. She has half a linen closet in her bed. She likes blankets.

Lucy runs around the house like a maniac. The bed is dry.

 Parents: 55, Kids 309857902.

A full hour past bedtime, everyone is snug in their bed.

We suck.